Inane Inanity - Rant Edition

1. Spotted this on Craigslist last week. Dis is an example of why you should stay in skool with riting like dat. Hit him up if you want to buy it:

1966 chrysler imperial - $3500 (springfield/ohio)

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Date: 2010-04-09, 6:38PM EDT
Reply to: sale-wk3ee-1684657197@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

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this is a 1966 chrysler imperial rare car to find like dis one there really werent dat many made back then only like 500 i herd but this is clean on the inside and out for its yr not much really wrong wit it jus needs a little tender love and car i jus need the money right now for a smaller vehicle but this ca runs and drives great i love it drives like cadilac they say lol but hit me up at 937-926-xxxx or at home 937-284-xxxx

2. Noticed the more aggressive commercials on TV? Burger King plastic head guy is actually breaking and entering, the Geico lizard steals a dollar from his boss, and a guy with a totata, or whatever it is, menacingly challenged about his sandwich. I can't say it enough: do not watch them, they suck your IQ. Grab a newspaper, DS or do push ups during commercials. That is time you cannot get back.

3. Go to the Tyrone Square Mall fairly often to see Kenzie at her New York & Company store. Contrary to Galesburg's Sandburg Mall, it is full of people. A common sight is young men holding their penises or a portion of pants close to their penises. From behind the pants are below their ass cheeks. Now imagine

buying pants 3 sizes too big and walk around all day keeping them up without a belt. Honestly I understand the Goth look, the piercings, raspberry colored hair and the tattoos around your neck, but this penis clutch, I just don't get.

4. I feel for the people using those battery-operated carts because of their varied medical problems. I do not feel for the people using them because they are fat. Get out of the electric recliner and walk.

5. Added to the list of addictions is tanning booths. Oh come on. Don't rank that as an addiction like drug or alcohol use, somehow that doesn't seem right.

6. Speaking of addictions, here is a young Tiger posing at the local Hooter's when he was just a kid and, apparently before his sex addiction.

Gosh, it almost looks like young Tiger here is thinking, "Oh, my what a fun time I'm going to have!"

7. What's up with people who start a sentence by saying "I mean". "I mean" is a claritive phrase to correct what you have already stated. How can you correct something not yet said? "I mean", "like", "you know", are the new "uhmmm" or "well" which seem to have been the sentence starter in the past. I have found myself doing it and I'm doing my damndest to stop. I will pause and formulate what I want to say and say it, without all those junk words. You all have permission to slap me when I fail. Slap gently.

8. How about people who are so cool, they keep their sunglasses on the back of their heads while they eat.

9. Something I see in every baseball game: a player hits a homer, or strikes out the side to win the game or even an RBI, and they raise their eyes to the sky and make a beseeching gesture with their arms to God/Jesus/passing cloud. I applaud these players and their close relationship with their Maker, but this is a game they are playing, not attending church.

10. I'm beginning to think I may be a little introverted.

11. Had a problem with possible ID theft (why anyone would choose me boggles the imagination) with a credit card and in my two calls talked to people obviously not from the U.S. I found myself saying yes, yes, yes, to things I didn't understand. Hard telling where my fraud claim will end up now. I'm told you can request someone who speaks English, but I didn't.

12. What about those poor Highland Park, Illinois basketball girls' team that can't go to Arizona to play because of "safety" reasons involving the new immigration laws there. Geez, these girls live in Chicago, can they be be less safe in Phoenix?

13. I almost always rip the packaging in cereal boxes so I have cereal going all over the place when I tip it over the bowl. It's aggravating. We can send men to the moon 40 years ago but we cant come up with sealable inner wraps for breakfast cereal.

14. People in positions of authority hate to have to change their positions.

15. What's all this about fruits and vegetables being the basics for good health? Pizza Hut, red meat, ice cream and chocolate are my favorites and never spent a day in a hospital.