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Peace of My Mind







None of us have been through anything like this.  What is at this writing a state by state "shelter at home" depending on where you live, will likely end up a nationwide quarantine before it is all over.  

I wouldn't presume to tell you anything you don't already know.  I have no great insight, no original thought, no ready quote or sentence to give you hope that we may make this a shorter experience for all of us.  I'm just like you, watching the news and seeing the increase in positive tests and deaths worldwide and in the US.  Am I scared?  Sure.  But a lot less scared than if this virus attacked kids.  I'm scared for the front line guys putting on 10 day old masks and protective gear.  We have now learned these are called PPE.  I'm scared for all the old people who won't be able to live out their lives in peace.  

I do have a suggestion for you.  It works for me.  Go a long time without watching you favorite news channel.  Take a walk outside.  Go out to the garage and do a project or shuffle boxes around.  That's about as normal as we can get nowadays.  Just like the good old days.  Last week.

I have been binging on stuff.  I finally got all caught up with Better Call Saul.  Is there any more cool good/bad guy than Mike Ehrmantraut?  Florida just issued a "safer-at-home" order which means essential activities only.  It took much too long to get here, but apparently the business concerns outweigh public health.  Now there won't be anyplace to drive to, except the grocery store.  Whizzbang Zoom, whose super coolness in this crisis astounds me, and I took our morning walk around the block today and it was nice.  It is something I assume we can keep doing.  Some folks are exercising and losing weight, some are eating more out of sheer nervousness.  Me?  With the loss of baseball and fantasy baseball, I am thoroughly disgusted enough that I am hoping if the virus takes hold of me, it will leave due to an inhospitable host.  Something along the lines of "...muscle, gristle and wildcat."

I keep thinking, whenever Trump comes on with one of his rambling, shambling pressers, of Lord Farquaad's remark to his Army. "Some of you may die, but it is a sacrifice I am willing to make."  Historians and voters in November will be the arbiters of the governmental response - but we are where we are.  My concern isn't history at the moment, it is survival.  

Sometime distant, perhaps a few weeks, maybe longer, we will be on the other side of this.  Hopefully all of us will be able to breathe a sigh of relief.  We can thank those guys who stand guard at the nurses station at the doctors office and hospital and grocery check-out folks. Maybe give them a tap of our elbows or a bouquet of flowers as thanks for manning the front lines.  Maybe there will be a tip jar for masks or respirators.  

Baseball will start again, the delayed Olympics will air endlessly and cut-throat politics, little changed from this episode, will renew itself on our favorite propaganda channels.  We may look out at traffic coursing once empty roads, and filled restaurants and begin to think that life is back to normal, but is it?   Will we ever be the same again?  

How we account for ourselves in this pandemic will be our badges: be they courage, cowardice or indifference.  There has been and will be ample examples of all.  I have wondered for far longer than I care to admit, how I would have handled myself in uniform at a time of war.  Too young for Viet Nam, too old for Grenada I was born at a time that I threaded the needle for service.  I have never had the chance to question my bravery - unless being married and having two kids qualifies.  In our present conflict we have to be both brave and smart.  We have to refrain from our impulses to "go" as we always have.  And we have to recognize that bravery without brains is a recipe for death.  

Don't fall for the charlatans who tell you there is an easy way through this.  There isn't.  Don't fall for the ethically crass supposition that our seniors need to lay down their lives for the good of the economy.  We are all valued.  There are scammers who pray on the frightened and weak, and politicians who do the same.  We are never short of hoarders, scammers, cheaters and thieves, even in a pandemic.

Let us all be courageous examples of the best of this country.  Stay in place, put no one in harms way and discover ways to help those who need it.  Stay in touch with family and friends, tell them you love them.  Endeavor to persevere.  

Eventually the spikes will fall, the cases will dwindle and shops will reopen.  Neighbors will once again come out into the warmth of a sun and fellowship.  Beers will be opened and toasts will be made.  Play Ball will once again be heard.  The economy will struggle back. What we have to face then is how we acquitted ourselves.  Did we do our part, no matter how small.  Did we do it with grace?  Did we make our bonds stronger?  Did we flinch?  Were we brave?  No real medals will be issued.  But we will know.          
And that's enough.

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