Biking With My BFE Buddies To Wauchula

Through the years when working for the 9th Circuit, we had many seminars, workshops and training sessions with people who taught stress management techniques. It went something like this: close your eyes and picture yourself on a quiet beach somewhere sipping a pina colada with no worries or responsibilities. And you get the picture.

Today, Sunday, I decided to close my eyes, hop on the cycle and travel to Wauchula to Charlotte's Web biker bar with my friends from BFE. From left to right, we have Neighbor Tim and Carrie on his blue Harley. Dapper leather ivy league Harley cap, long sleeve t-shirt adorns Tim while Carrie has tight jeans, a low cut button down shirt exposing a cavernous cleavage...hey, it's my stress reduction so I can clothe people the way I want! Next is Ole astride his sharp red Kawi wearing his cool dew rag with the tail that flips up then down. He's got on his leather vest with the sewed-on patriotic symbols and cool saying. Great vest. I need one. Next we have Christopher on his ghostly Harley. Black pipes, black air breather sticking out rakishly from the right. Christopher is wearing his camo pants and long-sleeve T-shirt in anticipation of November fast approaching. He asks about my vagina. I say I'm fine. Rod arrives late as usual with Diane as passenger. Diane has decided to wear 2 rags in case she loses one on the Skyway Bridge, its a long way down to get it. Rod says he'll do his best to keep up. Rick and Jen arrive on their banana yellow Boulevard but they can only go across the bridge then have to turn around because of the kids. Ryan and Molly couldn't make it. It wasn't the right weekend. I wanted Stewart to join us but he's too busy drizzling over fantasy football.

Everyone is ready, Tim and I have our cigars, Ole has his cigs, and, oops. Cee Gee is coming along but can't ride with Christopher because he got a one-seater. She also says I am spelling her name wrong and tell her to relax, its my story. Now she'll have to choose between either Ole or me. She looks me over, then Ole, then diplomatically says she'll ride with Ole on the way there, and ride back with me. Evidently she prefers to save the best till last.

"Saddle up!" yells Tim, and then says to me, "You leading?" and I reply "Of course, you guys aren't really here, its stress management, remember?" I say I've been across the bridge and I have studied the map and so I'll be happy to lead.

I take off, Tim behind me followed by Christopher, Rick and Jen, and Ole and Cee Gee our tail gunners.

We head down 66th to 1st Avenue, a great one-way street that takes us to 34th Street. We stop at Citgo and gas up. We start to take off, but my bike won't start, it acts flooded. Neighbor Tim walks over and tells me to raise my kickstand (kawasakis won't roll if the kickstand is down). Bike starts immediately. I am embarrassed in front of my bikers friends and that doesn't help with the stress. Onto 34th again, passing the Kawasaki dealership, Southern Pawn, Ceridian, Knights Inn, on the left and a huge building with no identifying signs. Hmmm, I'll have to check on that sometime. I keep my eye on the rear-view and see Tim on my right and Christopher on the left, still laughing at the kickstand thing. I re-check on Tim and he is laughing too. Carrie is too nice to openly laugh but she is holding it in.

We get on I-275 South and onto the interstate and on across the bridge. Sunny, coolish and a weekend so there are a lot of pleasure boats out. I point to a freighter churning up toward Tampa. We pass the apex of the Skyway where a guy jumped to his death last week while his former wife he murdered lay burning in the trunk. Now heading toward the other side my friends are still following me, exhibiting a trust and faith in my navigational skills. We slow and I turn right onto the rest area so we can reconnoiter and say good by to Rick and Jen. Rick says he's sorry and next time they'll ride farther but gotta go today. He will return home and wash and wax his bike, which he does whenever he pulls it out of the shed, much like the firetrucks he makes in Alexis. Its a wonder its still got paint on it. But even then he can't match the fussiness of Neighbor Tim. Tim attacks bugs like a frog on steroids. He polishes chrome, wipes the tank and bags, and when he is satisfied, he does it all over again, then says he didn't. Jen hops back on with Rick and I can tell she'd love to go on. But the kids have to be fed and Logan has to study. Naturally he's grounded again.


The banana takes off back across the bridge (oh I forgot to tell you guys it costs a buck to cross and this is the last time I'm paying for everyone). We catch the Naples South route on I-75 off 275 and on now down toward Bradenton. There we catch Route 64 and, Oh no.

Bumper-to-bumper stop-and-go (mostly stop) on this road to Wauchula. It must be a traffic accident. Or maybe church just got out. I look in my rear view and hope I don't see angry faces. Cee Gee catches my eye and gives me a thumbs up, but then she never gets mad at anyone.
The traffic gets going and we come across Lake Manatee State Park. We stop on the right. Christopher says let's go in, (he loves these things), Tim wants to get to Charlotte's and have a beer, Ole wants to ride, just ride. We decide to get to Charlotte's so off we go. Just as we are leaving, Rod and Diane are just getting off the bridge and heading to I-75. It's OK, they'll catch up. Rod kind of babies that thing. Its a 30 year old KZ 600. He loves it. He coddles it. He pooches it.

We catch Lake Manatee on Rte 64 and it looks like we have a few fishermen out today but not a lot. I'm getting worried about my gas. There is nothing on this road and it seems to go on forever. I motion to the gang to pull over at the only stop I have see along this road with antiquated pumps and an old general store like structure. Only two pumps with no signs signifying what kind of gas. We stop and pop our tanks but nothing happens. I go in and a Vietnamese looking guy says something I don't understand, but he is shaking his head in a yes fashion so I leave and we try again. Gas comes out and I am certainly relieved. I hate worrying about gas and it doesn't help with this stress reduction story. Of course Tim doesn't have to gas up because for some reason his bike has a tank on it that seems to hold 85 gallons.

Lots of bikes on the road today and only about half give the biker wave in return to ours. They must be from Illinois.

We finally arrive at Charlotte's. 78 miles from home. An hour and a half journey. We order a beer, walk out back to the beer garden and everyone says, "Hey, Mike! Glad to see ya." A cute heavy-breasted girl comes over and drapes herself all over me. It's my story and I can do anything I want. Tim says something funny and we all laugh. Carrie says to me, "Don't pay any attention to Tim." He must have said something about my kickstand, or my part about everyone saying "hi" or maybe that cute thang that has her tongue in my ear. He's just jealous.

The beer is good, and I pose for a picture to prove to all you guys you actually did come along with me.

We have another, and then decide when they are gone to head back home. Just as we are taking off up come Rod and Diane.

I tell everyone thanks for the ride, and I'll see you soon.

Christopher - good luck with that shooting thing. Be careful and bag something so we can have that great jerky stuff you make. Don't let that job get in your head and enjoy your days off. Relax when you can, get your sleep and we'll have a beer and a ride again soon. And eat more. I love your stories. Stock up for when I return. A young guy who likes old people, thats pretty neat. Stay well friend. Glad to count you as a friend. And, whippersnapper, Where The Red Fern Grows next weekend. I've been missing Missy lately (there are a lot of dog here) and feel a need to see it.

Cee Gee, guess you had your fun with Ole, but you owe me. Keep on working and taking care of Christopher. My goal is to be as nice as you. Mind you its just a goal. No way I can ever achieve it.

Carrie - keep the family together and kids in line. Do some more painting, you are good. Maybe we could do a CC workshop sometime. Thanks for coming along on my fantasy. And for wearing that low-cut thingy. Just kidding. A brainy professional who puts up with all of us. Tim, you better keep this one! Fun and funny, and she can keep up with Timmy.

Jen - Hope everything is going OK at Blick. I miss our conversations. We had some fun, and you are as likeable as they come. Take care of the kids and next time get a sitter.

Rick - Cool bike, I'm jealous as Hell. Your good mornings on Facebook help me start the day. Glad you are part of the group now. Nice guy, Lord, you two are just toooo nice. Found me that detailing job at Alexis yet?

Rod - It means a lot you came along on some real rides with us and thanks for tagging along on this one. Bring your metal detector down here, its all virgin territory. Oh, and if Diane wants to scare someone this Halloween, tell her no! When I return we'll just sit down in our lawn chairs and talk a little local history.

Diane - My heart still hasn't stopped fluttering from Halloween last year. Hang on to your rag, buy an ostomy bag and come riding with us anytime. Its fun knowing you both. Hell you can bring the fantastic flying ferrets whenever you want. Just keep that crazy lady home.

Ole - My god, Ole. My brother from Texas. The truest biker of us all. No one likes riding more than you. A man who would help anyone do anything. Guys like you are rare and it is a privilege having you as a friend. Stay tough and don't let anyone or anything get you down. You can do your own stress reduction anytime...just close your eyes.

Tim - Wit coupled with wisdom. Thoughtfulness coupled with confidence. Kindness coupled with Marine tough. A great guy. A true friend. Thanks for everything. Keep the fridge stocked, the Wal-Mart trail mix handy, and we'll sit and chat again soon. Always glad to see you in my right-side rear-view mirror.

Stress Reduction complete. You guys available to go ridin' again next week?