Best Of BFE

Alan Lowder and Me at the Mary Davis Home.

In my 27 some years at the Mary Davis Home as a Counselor, Supervisor and Program Coordinator, I had some favorites. Like teachers we like to say we are objective, but in reality some kids stand out. One such kid, Alan Lowder, from Canton was my favorite. Funny, respectful, well-behaved, and impish, Alan was well liked by most if not all the staff. I don't remember the offense, maybe it was car-theft, he came in with another kid who did very well at MDH also, but I have forgotten his name. Most of the clients we had were flawed, unfinished, distant and for some, on a path to adulthood that mirrored their youth. It was easy to spot the ones who were going to break the chains of their poor choices and do productive things in their lives. Alan was one of them. We were always mindful of the need to distinguish the line between peer and authority. And we were all pretty young ourselves so the distinction wasn't always clear. Alan pushed that line and was given a latitude by all of us that we could easily have called him "Junior Staff". He wasn't a career criminal and it showed. He was a non-troubled kid who was much more comfortable with us that with other kids his age.

Alan was my client in the program and the only one I ever broke the rules for. We are trained religiously in enforcing all the policies - no breaks, as a teaching tool for learning to live in the world. Alan did something wrong and I let him off the hook. It wasn't a serious infraction but I was alarmed at my lack of objectivity. I went to my boss and asked off his case, and he refused. He said it was good to mentor these kids and when it happens that we like them too, well, that's even better. I never let him off the hook again, and he continued to thrive. I don't remember how long Alan was with us, but it had to be close to a year. He graduated, left MDH, called me a couple of times to let me know how he was doing, and like many things, faded into history. But I have always wondered what happened to him.

Assault Outside Manistee Bar Turns Deadly Posted: 10/22/2007
An Illinois man died after getting into a fight outside a Manistee County bar more than two weeks ago. Nathan Lowder passed away this morning at a Grand Rapids Hospital.Police say he was assaulted on October 6th outside the Double Deuce Saloon on River Street in Manistee.Lowder apparently had some trouble inside the bar with a group from the Holland area that night. He was taken outside where he waited for his friends. Police say he and the group from Holland then got into a verbal argument as they left the bar. Police say that's when one of the group member hit Lowder, causing him to fall to the ground and hit his head on the ground.Paramedics took him to a Grand Rapids hospital but never recovered from his injuries.Police are now waiting on autopsy results to confirm an exact cause of death.Stay tuned to 9 and 10 News for more on this story.



I don't know what happened in October two years ago. Alan fell down and hit his head on the curb. After 3 weeks in the hospital he died at age 36, leaving behind a wife and three kids, 2 boys and a daughter Samantha. Samantha sent some pictures of her father and brothers. Alan never had any run-ins with the law after that one incident many years ago. I'm not sure why I am so saddened by Alan's death. Perhaps it is because we were all so young then, full of potential and promise. Maybe because Alan represented the best in what we were doing: helping to change lives, and it is not supposed to end this way, outside a bar far from home.

Alan with his daughter.




Alan reflecting along a lake.

Rest In Peace.

And the words of that fatal song

Come over me like a chill:

"A boy's will is the wind's will,

And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."

                                                                                        Longfellow