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Merry Christmas




From Our Family To Yours...

 A Very Merry Christmas Holiday Season

 Letter To Santa:

Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I
would like a Go Pro Helmet Cam, a Canon T1i  camera with both lenses,  and an iPhone 5 for
Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Mike Blythe
* * * * *
Dear Mike,
Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all
fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the
time you spend riding your bike and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to
get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you
something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
* * * * *
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract,
set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to
granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this
joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at
my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit
trite?
Respectfully,
Mike Blythe
* * * * *
Mr. Blythe,
While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria,
need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it
a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,
well that is your right. Please know however, that my attorneys have been
on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be
more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I
alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social
skills and potentially help firm up that belly that looks like you have spent all your time in at McDonald's or Three Birds Tavern.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
* * * * *
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was
attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends
into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my BFE boys
and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my helmet cam,
my Canon DSLR, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
Meat Leader
* * * * *
Listen Biker Boy,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on
one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny gang-banger wannabe? “He sees
you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar,
genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your
shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people
that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll
all over the carpet of your lanai room. You’re not getting what you
asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in
you’re ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
* * * * *
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.
Mike
* * * * *
Mike,
That’s what I thought you little bastard.
Santa

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