Valentine'sth Day

The world's longest kiss. Excavation near Haniloo or Hanilu, Iran.

Here's To The Girl I Kissed Last

Here's to the girl I kissed last.
She don't kiss long and she don't kiss fast.
But when she kisses, it's oh so sweet,
She makes things stand that don't have feet.

Author Unknown

Endeavor To Persevere, Or At Least Outlive

She wants a kiss today, good sir.
No pat on the ass will do.
So close your eyes and hold her tight,
Pucker up and kiss her, too.

Tomorrow will be another day,
She'll present a list of duties.
So today make nice and make her happy,
And hope you dodge the cooties.

by the Author of Existing In BFE

There Once Was A Girl From Seaton

There once was a girl from Seaton,
Whose reputation took a Hell of a beatin'.
Twas a lisp that made her yell, "Christh!"
"Keep your mittsh off me, Mike Blythe"

But I couldn't stop my love for Lydia,
To Hell with that case of chlamydia.
I kept rounding bases, whilst fumbling with laces,
And groping in unknown places.

Here comes a car, "Hey, we gotta stop!"
"For all we know it could be a cop."
I put the car in gear and grabbed her blouse,
"Think I'll just drop you off at the house."

But how to explain it to Mom and to Dad,
For once they see it they'll truly be mad.
No way to explain to Louise and to Jack,
The Firestone treads going right down her back.

Saw Lydia later and asked how things went,
"Itsth alright, I justh let them vent"
I'd learned my lesson to put out my fires,
Jack told me later I needed new tires.

Author Known (But hoping like Hell you won't ask)

(My apologies to Lydia, who is/was real, as is a rumor about a blouse with tire tracks, but I wasn't involved and don't know if it was true or not. Nothing else in this poem is. That I know of.)

Happy Valentine's Day
Give Your Loved One the Cooties.

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Existing In BFE

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