The Proper Construction of a S'More

The other day after a great salmon dinner on the grill by Chef Drewber, we had one of God's gems. S'Mores. Along the same lines as morel mushrooms, homemade ice cream and caramel apples, it is a seasonal treasure, a way to mark time, and to reaffirm life's ultimate goodness. I noticed that all participants had their own way of building one. This ain't Build-A-Bear, folks. There is one way. One True Way. The Right Way. I am here to tell you how. Please pay attention, and don't argue.

Our ingredients will consist of fire, marshmallows, Hershey chocolate Bars and graham crackers.  No S'More creation can happen without some type of fire.  Don't substitute any thing for the Hershey bars.  Graham crackers are OK from a wide variety of companies.  Just make sure you have the larger type that can be snapped in half to provide for the sandwich portion of the delicacy.  Some type of skewer to impale the marshmallow that will be long enough to protect you from the fire is essential.  You can't comfortably eat your treat if you have blisters developing on your knuckles.

Marshmallows need to be consumed by fire so whether or not you have an outside pit, a fire pit from Lowe's or a Bic butane lighter, fire flame is essential.  And no cheating, you can't use your oven burners.  

STEP ONE -  Build a nice fire.  It's not the size of your fire, but the fire on your Mellow.  Here, Drewber has built a nice little fire in his pit consisting of a Duraflame and kindling in the form of yard debris.  Very resourceful, that Drewber.  Not only does he build a nice fire, but he takes care of some yard work at the same time.   Looking resourceful will garner you points from the in-laws and that never hurts.

STEP TWO - Impale two marshmallows onto your skewer.  Do it from the flat side only.  This is important, but only in the form of your cooking, and not the function.  Now float your marshmallows over the fire, or more accurately, a flame, about 2 or 3 inches away from the top of the flame and no lower, no higher.  This isn't fast food.  Here we want to condition our mallows and not cremate them.

STEP THREE-  Your mallow will begin to darken ever so slightly after about 30-45 seconds.  Continue with the immolation.  Many S'More makers will start to panic at this stage and whisk their mallow off too soon.  Be patient, be strong.  We are, after all, looking for a charred burning husk that will signal the end of the burning.  Yes, you need your mallow blackened on the outside leaving a soft hot lava-like consistency on the inside.   

STEP FOUR - Once your mallow has a darkened, crispy exterior you may now take your burning treasure to the preparation area.  Mind you, your entire mallow need not be crispy, but at least half should.  The above picture is an excellent rendition of the blackened mallow:  it has been removed from the flame and is still burning.  This is the "burn-to-suit" stage of your S'More.   I like to see an almost entirely blackened morsel, but others may not like it quite that well-done.  This is the only area where you have some discretion, but not much.  REPEAT - THERE MUST BE BLACKENED AREA ON YOUR MARSHMALLOW otherwise you are a smelly old woman.   

STEP FIVE - Once at the preparation area, take a graham cracker square, lay the blackened mallow onto the square, then place a Hershey square on top of that (a full square, not individual pieces), top that with another Graham cracker square, and pinch the side while removing the skewer so all of the goodness stays on the cracker.  

Now, I bring all this up because our host and Chef, Drewber made three errors with his S'More, thus depriving himself of full pleasure.  He did not blacken his mallow, he sprinkled his with individual squares of chocolate, and then failed to use the upper cracker, therefore no sandwich.  I'm about to get the vapors!   

Now put some of it in your mouth and enjoy.  The rest will follow shortly.  This is the correct way to build a S'More.  Accept no other versions, they are false gods.   

Some of you may be saying that this is a free country and you can make your S'More anyway upon want.  And you would be correct.  It is a free country.  But you do not have the right to yell fire in a theater, and you do not have the right to tinker or get all liberal with a S'More.  While moving Wombie Mark once, my mother came into the center of the room and began directing traffic.   When she was met with some resistance, she calmly explained that there were many ways to arrange that room, but there was only one right way, and she knew what that way was.  

There are many ways to build a S'More but there is one right way, and I have hereby  explained.   May the S'More gods have mercy on your soul if you deviate, cheat, short-cut, or otherwise try to improve upon the correct and only True S'More.  Now, it's that time of year.  Grab a log, get a beer, but some "fixin's" and get cracking.