Poor Abe Lincoln. The old Springfield rail-splitter has been knocked off his perch as the best Republican president. The man who saved the Union, and laid the groundwork for a merciful and forgiving Reconstruction is now just another has-been. The guy who abolished slavery in this country, created the national banking system, and signed into the law the Homestead Act which allowed lower income folks to own land is now just another contender for the throne.
I guess I was wrong all those years when I considered him to not only be the best republican but, well, the best president we ever had. Saving the Union is no small thing. Think of America as a North and a South. Imagine if we'd had two separate nations had Lincoln failed. We 'd have one where slavery was still allowed and then us. Pretty damn messy if you ask me.
I understand that with the shifting sands of time things get buried and other things get unearthed. Well, apparently Old Honest Abe is one of those things that gets buried. Unearthed and that's pretty appropriate, too, is President Trump, who is now, according to Repubs, is the best president.
And the major accomplishments of Trump that overshadows Lincoln? I just Googled that question and some guy on Quora wrote a list of 40. I'll let you guys do your research on that if you are interested, but the sight of old Abe sitting majestically in his chair in the Lincoln Memorial has me thinking what we should do about such a fine edifice housing a guy who is Number Two. We could tear the whole thing down and start over with something Trump would approve. Or we could just change the head from Abe's to Donald's. There's [plenty of room in that chamber, so maybe put another chair, bigger of course, next to Abe's. The Gettysburg Address could be scratched out of the wall and we could put Trumps most famous sayings on it instead. "Four score and seven years ago..." is so yesterday. Who the hell talks like that anymore? Lets get hipper with Trumpisms like:
About his daughter, Ivanka, "...a very nice figure. If Ivanka were not my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her."
Or about beautiful women. "You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful women. I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. I don't even wait. I start kissing them. And when you are a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything."
"The Kurds didn't help us on D-Day."
"My fingers are long and beautiful, as has been well documented, as are other parts of my body."
"Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest and you all know it. Please don't feel so stupid or insecure. It's not your fault."
"It's freezing and snowing in new York. We need global warming."
"If Hillary can't satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America?"
We could go on and on. The Gold Star family comment, the racist screeds, the love of Russia, the old favorite of mine, Stable Genius thing. Oh, yes, there is no lack of comments we could put up on that wall. Old Honest (even that seems dated) Abe is out and hate is in. I think that suits us better anyway. That way Congress doesn't look so dysfunctional as looking hipper and more reality TV-ish. Abe, you old sot, you played it too straight - too goody-goody. And now look, you're just another also-ran. Now, this is progress!
I guess I was wrong all those years when I considered him to not only be the best republican but, well, the best president we ever had. Saving the Union is no small thing. Think of America as a North and a South. Imagine if we'd had two separate nations had Lincoln failed. We 'd have one where slavery was still allowed and then us. Pretty damn messy if you ask me.
I understand that with the shifting sands of time things get buried and other things get unearthed. Well, apparently Old Honest Abe is one of those things that gets buried. Unearthed and that's pretty appropriate, too, is President Trump, who is now, according to Repubs, is the best president.
About his daughter, Ivanka, "...a very nice figure. If Ivanka were not my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her."
Or about beautiful women. "You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful women. I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. I don't even wait. I start kissing them. And when you are a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything."
"The Kurds didn't help us on D-Day."
"My fingers are long and beautiful, as has been well documented, as are other parts of my body."
"Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest and you all know it. Please don't feel so stupid or insecure. It's not your fault."
"It's freezing and snowing in new York. We need global warming."
"If Hillary can't satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America?"
We could go on and on. The Gold Star family comment, the racist screeds, the love of Russia, the old favorite of mine, Stable Genius thing. Oh, yes, there is no lack of comments we could put up on that wall. Old Honest (even that seems dated) Abe is out and hate is in. I think that suits us better anyway. That way Congress doesn't look so dysfunctional as looking hipper and more reality TV-ish. Abe, you old sot, you played it too straight - too goody-goody. And now look, you're just another also-ran. Now, this is progress!
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