What was going on? I kept jogging into town, which, by the way, surprised me how unwinded I was. Surely I was an AARP marvel, fit, ruggedly agile, with the mental acuity of a twenty-year-old. I made a mental note to sign up for the Rhubarb Days 5K. I made another mental note to ask the Wombie if he'd like to join me? Perhaps we could get WQAD down and write a feature article...but I digress.
Once back in Seaton I noticed a great deal of hubbub. I walked over to an Army guy and asked, "Hey Bub, what's all the hubbub?"
He looked like he could see right through me.
I asked what had happened.
"Sadly, an unaliened flight from Planet Neatos crashed here in the northwest quadrant of the village." There was no loss of human life, although a rabbit succumbed in the carnage."
"Wow, Bob, you sure talk good for a guy with huge eyes. I take it your not from around here."
"No, I am from Neatos. It is one of the planets of the Seven Sisters constellation."
"Oh, yeah? Neato."
"No, Neatos."
"Yeah, well, whatever, Bob."
"So what are you guys hanging around here anyway?"
"We've been here since 1880. Our first interplanetary emissary, known here as George Seaton - Seaton, Neatos - get it? Well, he started a town and then a bank here as a cover for our activities. Every Seaton after that has been Chief Emissary. We've had Secondary Emissaries, too. Jim Chism was Regional Emissary. Miss Anderson was Education Director."
I thought to myself that explained Tom.
"We have representatives all over the world. Seaton has been our hub."
"So this is the Hub, Bub?" I asked.
"That's Bob. But yes, this is the Hub for all our activities."
As I clinched my orifices, I asked Bob if they were taking over the world.
His eyes widened, believe it or not.
"No, Earthling. We are here to help. We have our kind all over to help spread good. Danny Thomas was one of us, and he built Shiners. Einstein, Schweitzer, Speilburg, Pelosi..."
"So you are good guys?" I asked.
"Of course. And may I say you look great for your age. We invented Santa and bring shipments of toys this time of year. We even brought duct tape to your planet."
"Oh, thanks, Bub."
"That's Bob."
"Then why are you out buzzing Chris Jones place?
"The Seatons are gone, Jim Chism is gone and Chris is our Chief Emissary. We are cleaning and rebuilding the town and shortly all will be as good as it was. No one will know there was a conflagration."
"Well, I'll be damned, Bob."
I heard a buzzing and from the north came a UFO, low to the ground, and, yes, it was Chris Jones!
"Hey, Bob. Aren't you going to erase my memory or something like in the movies?"
"Nah. No one would ever believe you."
"In that case, could you give me a gallon of gas. I'm driving a Jeep."
This is a true story. It happened to me in August when I was up in Northlandia. Every detail is as I saw it. I eventually returned to Kitschland but haven't been able to stop thinking about it. My little hometown I grew up in has been an alien hideout. John and Jim were...and my jaw drops when I think of who else could have been.
I returned to Seaton in November to dogsit Miss Maddie. I drove to Seaton to see if I could tell any difference, and it still looked like the old, tired town I remembered. I left to go to Keithsburg to see the barges. When I was done I went back through Seaton, and as I was entering town I noticed a small placard on the pole when you come into town.
And there at the bottom.
Proof!
Merry Christmas Everyone.
Once back in Seaton I noticed a great deal of hubbub. I walked over to an Army guy and asked, "Hey Bub, what's all the hubbub?"
"The name's Bob. Not Bub, Boob", he said as he lowered his infrared night goggles.
"Hey," I said reduntantly, "Haven't I used you before in another post?"
He looked like he could see right through me.
I asked what had happened.
"Sadly, an unaliened flight from Planet Neatos crashed here in the northwest quadrant of the village." There was no loss of human life, although a rabbit succumbed in the carnage."
"Wow, Bob, you sure talk good for a guy with huge eyes. I take it your not from around here."
"No, I am from Neatos. It is one of the planets of the Seven Sisters constellation."
"No, Neatos."
"Yeah, well, whatever, Bob."
"So what are you guys hanging around here anyway?"
"We've been here since 1880. Our first interplanetary emissary, known here as George Seaton - Seaton, Neatos - get it? Well, he started a town and then a bank here as a cover for our activities. Every Seaton after that has been Chief Emissary. We've had Secondary Emissaries, too. Jim Chism was Regional Emissary. Miss Anderson was Education Director."
I thought to myself that explained Tom.
"We have representatives all over the world. Seaton has been our hub."
"So this is the Hub, Bub?" I asked.
"That's Bob. But yes, this is the Hub for all our activities."
As I clinched my orifices, I asked Bob if they were taking over the world.
His eyes widened, believe it or not.
"No, Earthling. We are here to help. We have our kind all over to help spread good. Danny Thomas was one of us, and he built Shiners. Einstein, Schweitzer, Speilburg, Pelosi..."
"So you are good guys?" I asked.
"Of course. And may I say you look great for your age. We invented Santa and bring shipments of toys this time of year. We even brought duct tape to your planet."
"Oh, thanks, Bub."
"That's Bob."
"Then why are you out buzzing Chris Jones place?
"The Seatons are gone, Jim Chism is gone and Chris is our Chief Emissary. We are cleaning and rebuilding the town and shortly all will be as good as it was. No one will know there was a conflagration."
"Well, I'll be damned, Bob."
I heard a buzzing and from the north came a UFO, low to the ground, and, yes, it was Chris Jones!
"Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas."
"Hey, Bob. Aren't you going to erase my memory or something like in the movies?"
"Nah. No one would ever believe you."
"In that case, could you give me a gallon of gas. I'm driving a Jeep."
This is a true story. It happened to me in August when I was up in Northlandia. Every detail is as I saw it. I eventually returned to Kitschland but haven't been able to stop thinking about it. My little hometown I grew up in has been an alien hideout. John and Jim were...and my jaw drops when I think of who else could have been.
I returned to Seaton in November to dogsit Miss Maddie. I drove to Seaton to see if I could tell any difference, and it still looked like the old, tired town I remembered. I left to go to Keithsburg to see the barges. When I was done I went back through Seaton, and as I was entering town I noticed a small placard on the pole when you come into town.
And there at the bottom.
Proof!
Merry Christmas Everyone.
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