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My Lucky Day






Those who have been around this website for a while know I walk a lot down here.  Who the Hell wants to drive in this mess?  And while walking I'll ease over to keep a watchful eye in the curb looking for a coinage dropped from cars or pedestrians.  Surprisingly there is a lot of it.  Norah found a penny just this last weekend in Tarpon Springs as she was exiting the Fun Bus.

 I still believe there is a treasure out there.  Not a pirate's booty on the beach, but rather a wad of twenties tossed from a drug dealer's car when approached by a cop.  No, I don't watch much TV - this one I hatched all by myself.  

 It finally happened.  As Whizzbang and I were walking by Murder By the Bay apartment complex, I glanced down and spotted a wadded up bill.  My heart went pitter-patter.  A grown man should never use that phrase but, what the Hell, I'm a millionaire, so who cares?  As I bent down to retrieve it I started imagining all the things I could buy with a wad of drug money.  Sadly, it was just a single bill, but what a bill!!  It was a million dollar bill.    





If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, right?  Except this bill had President Obama on it, and he is alive.  I figured we still had a dead presidents thing going on with our money so I knew I was had.  I scanned them so you would know how easily it was to scam me.  





But this no ordinary fake currency.  It had a message on it, like a bottle.  What wisdom would it be?  What sage remark would a former owner impart on its latest?  Information can move mountains.  What mountain could I move after this message?

 I sucked dick for this money!  Save a life and suck dick!"  

 Obviously I was crushed.  My quest for curbside loot was not only not over, but I had been brought to the brink of the holy grail only to be that true riches come from sucking dick.  I continued my walk with Whizzbang.  No richer.  No wiser.  Incidentally, if you start counting up from zero, your lips don’t touch until 1 million.  It's true.  Try it.

So, how do I get rid of this bill and make a profit?   Hmmm.  Maybe I'll make a bet with the Wombie.  If I win, good.  I get his real dollar.  If I lose I'll slip him 'ole Barack and he'll never notice.  Win-win.

Guess I'll just put it in my billfold until I see him.

   

What could possibly go wrong?

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