Those who have been around this website for a while know I walk a lot down here. Who the Hell wants to drive in this mess? And while walking I'll ease over to keep a watchful eye in the curb looking for a coinage dropped from cars or pedestrians. Surprisingly there is a lot of it. Norah found a penny just this last weekend in Tarpon Springs as she was exiting the Fun Bus.
I still believe there is a treasure out there. Not a pirate's booty on the beach, but rather a wad of twenties tossed from a drug dealer's car when approached by a cop. No, I don't watch much TV - this one I hatched all by myself.
It finally happened. As Whizzbang and I were walking by Murder By the Bay apartment complex, I glanced down and spotted a wadded up bill. My heart went pitter-patter. A grown man should never use that phrase but, what the Hell, I'm a millionaire, so who cares? As I bent down to retrieve it I started imagining all the things I could buy with a wad of drug money. Sadly, it was just a single bill, but what a bill!! It was a million dollar bill.
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, right? Except this bill had President Obama on it, and he is alive. I figured we still had a dead presidents thing going on with our money so I knew I was had. I scanned them so you would know how easily it was to scam me.
But this no ordinary fake currency. It had a message on it, like a bottle. What wisdom would it be? What sage remark would a former owner impart on its latest? Information can move mountains. What mountain could I move after this message?
I sucked dick for this money! Save a life and suck dick!"
Obviously I was crushed. My quest for curbside loot was not only not over, but I had been brought to the brink of the holy grail only to be that true riches come from sucking dick. I continued my walk with Whizzbang. No richer. No wiser. Incidentally, if you start counting up from zero, your lips don’t touch until 1 million. It's true. Try it.
So, how do I get rid of this bill and make a profit? Hmmm. Maybe I'll make a bet with the Wombie. If I win, good. I get his real dollar. If I lose I'll slip him 'ole Barack and he'll never notice. Win-win.
Guess I'll just put it in my billfold until I see him.
What could possibly go wrong?
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