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Just a Few Of The Reasons Why Florida Sucks

Nothing is all good nor all bad.  Most states have their plusses and minuses.  Illinois is a corrupt bastion of Chicago politics.  Iowa has the Hawkeyes.  Florida is a different breed of state.  It's mostly bad. Hot, stupid and the home of weird.   




Hey ladies, get on your high high heels and grab your rifle.  "Stand Your Ground", birthed right here basically means you can shoot anything that moves if you are fearful.  


Wal-Mart, home of falling prices, personality-dead check-out clerks and long lines, will cheerfully sell you this dead plant I saw for 50% off.  I don't know if this is a reflection of Wal-Mart or Florida, but since this Wal-Mart was in Florida, its a twofer.


In Illinois you swat at flies in your house.  Here, you corral lizards.



This driver thought a silly Zombie style tire cover was cute.  At least I hope it was tongue-in-cheek.  But upon further inspection, on the license plate is the Tampa Bay Bucs NFL football logo.  If he is looking for a Zombie Outbreak, he best head over to Raymond James stadium.



Walking by this used car lot, I couldn't help smelling and seeing a vehicle in extreme distress.  The oily smell was overpowering and the smoke billowing out of the bays was undeniable.  Give 'em an hour or so and they'll have this Manager's Special ready for sale in no time.   


The stifling, congestion at rush hours lowers the standard of living by several notches.  Give me wide-open corn fields any day.



And finally, Exhibit 7 for my rant on the sandy, scrub-infested, No-See-Um filled cocklebur of a state in which I find myself.  Like Australia which was first inhabited by Europeans as a prison-state, Florida which seems to readily take cast-offs, neer-do-wells, the lame, the maimed and educationally challenged, the people themselves are the worst advertisement.  

I found myself standing at the front door surveying whatever it is to survey here while a lady walking a dog walked by and LET the son-of-a-bitch bitch piss on my bike tire.  There are certain universally recognized rules for civil discourse:  apologize when you belch in the company of women,  dunk, don't dip Oreo cookies in milk, when a clerk asks you in a clothing store what size you wear, don't say it doesn't matter,  pet dogs when they pretzel at your feet looking for attention,  and you never ever ever ever piss or let your dog piss on another man's bike.    

Nothing is all good nor all bad.  But if you ask me, the bucket of bad down here is a Hell of a lot heavier than the bucket of good.


And finally, Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeen.

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